I need to have more self control over my emotions i guess. Have been letting it consume me until...I make stupid irrational decisions. Honestly I felt quite disgusted with my ways lately. Not saying YOLO is not good but then again doing things that's actually against my principles, I do have to admit even if it's so called not my fault, but then again to know that there's a possibility of it occurring, I'm the one that's to be blamed eventually. Just hope that's the last time I guess.

Then again thanks to much for everything. I really appreciate whatever you've done. I guess I need a break from it.

And as for you this stupid bitch, thanks for totally screwing my mood ytd. Fuck you and hope you enter hell. I just don't understand why are you fucking so persistent when he doesn't even like you. Threaten me all you want.

Time to settle uni stuff.

Not really happy with my CAP but as long as I've tried my best, I guess its sufficient enough. Time to really be more consistent compared to last sem. Thanks for cheering me up (: honestly. I really appreciate ittt. Okay back to checking on how to SU. AHHH byeeee

Saturday : Had frisbee in the morning and went out with Gen after that. That two were super late but ohwell, the present + treat made up for it I guess. Skinny Pizza + 47 Ronin was okayyy. Anyway IDK if you'll be reading this but just to let you know that no matter what, I'll be there k ^^ STAY STRONGGGG <3

Friday SCGP. Rich came over to NUS to accompany me. Ahhh, forever my bro manzxz. Haven't seen some of them for a super long time. Just like ant <3 HAHAHA. Okay forever getting rejected by him ): HAHHAA. Nevertheless good company.

Can't wait for Wednesday again. Hopefully we're lucky again like last week HAHAHA. Okay okay time to pack for tmr. BYEEEE

A leopard will never change its spots

As much as I'm enjoying what I'm doing, I know I'm suppose to stop this but somehow...my heart is telling me not to care. I see history repeating itself again.

Tiring week I've gotta say.

Monday : Went out with Gen, Leon and Andre for tendollarsclub HAHHAA. That place is quite good i guess. Except for the fact that the computer is harder to use compared to teoheng hehh. Had been a long time ever since I've last kbox. Sang for like 5 hrs D: We're amazing ttm manzxz. Head over to bugis for dinner at some noodle shop. Not bad i guess ^^ Had an epic time standing in front of the fountain talking to those people. Ohwell

Tuesday : TWO TRNGS IN A DAY IS NO JOKE. Had like frisbee in the morning and handball at night. I swear I was dying by the time I had handball trng. ALL THE JUMPING AND ALL. I better lose weight within this mth manzxz or else...

Wednesday : Had frisbee trng and as usual, really enjoy playing it tgt with the frisbee people. All so cute and adorable. It was damn tiring cause we had PT and plus the afternoon made it quite bad but the company was great. Had just acia for dinner with them. I didn't know that it existed in NUS luhh. After that rushed off to meet gen, Imran and Zhafri to celebrate badass birthday. Glad he liked it. Went over to Zouk as usual. Everytime I'm with Gen, the most epic things will happen. Was practically raging yet so entertained at the same time HAHHAHA.

Thursday : Yes there was only 5 of us and was practically dying under the hot sun. Plus i didn't sleep before that cause was busy looking after someone + didn't eat supper or breakfast + system filled with alcohol. I swear that's like killer but thankfully I've managed to conquer ittttt. Totally crashed after bathing.

Sadly all my goalkeepers are like going overseas alr ): Nuuu. No more entertainment for next week. Damnzxz. Okay shall try to sleep now. Aching all over ): byeeee

I didn't know everything could change so much. It took me long enough to realise that someone I've once had so much faith, someone that I've appreciated isn't the same as before. I know people change but I didn't know the change was this much. Honestly feeling quite disappointed and sad at the same time. Initially I thought removing part of the sentimental side of you could really help you, at least with your self confidence but now, I don't even know will I be able to maintain this friendship.To the extend of using terms and conditions in exchange for opinion...where's my old friend that I could once pour my heart to? I miss the old you.

Eventful week:

Thurs: Out with Raey + Stayover with Ber

Fri: Stayover with trackers <3

Sat: Out with Bestie + Supper with Ivan

Happygirl94 ^^V 

Next week filled with trng + outings with my favourite people too. Can't wait for this monday. Gonna be so tired but I'm sure Im gonna like it hehhh. Watching Sherlock now. Nice showwww. Me like it. Shall sleep now. BYEEE

As expected im getting addicted to it.  I guess I've alr expected it just in a matter of time. Got a lil too high and thankfully gen was looking after me. It doesn't feel that bad after all huh. Sometimes I feel myself evolving to someone I don't recognise but then again.  Life is short. Fuck it

BACK IN SINGAPORE. Finally get to update this space. Msia was okay i guess. Slept a lot this time cause i fell sick there but THANKFULLY for my lovely friends that actually contacted me thru WA. HAHAHAH ENTERTAINMENT TTM. Their company was even better than shopping. Didn't manage to buy much cause i was sick but yeah.

Today met up with Gen again. HAHAHA. I swear I'm gonna see her like every week. My buddy in crime. It seems like we're always doing things tgt. HAHAHHA. Watched Frozen tgt with Yingjie and Chongxian. SO COINCIDENTAL but it was a great movieeee. LOVE ITTTT. After that met up wtih Dre and Leon for dinner and move. SUSHIII. Food was great and the company was seriously retarded. Ended up watching our second movie of the day Catching Fire. HAHAH. Poor Leon had to watch it a second time. OHYEAH thanks for the ride back.

Can't wait for tmr with roomie and Sharlene and meeting Gen after that. <3 WALAO turning lesbian alr HAHAHA. But yeah I don't mind meeting her cause there's always so much to do. This time the 4th pair HAHAH. Can't waittttt <3 I knew I'll totally be addicted to it but AIYA WHATEVER, IT'S THE HOLIDAYS. TIME TO ENJOYYYY. Time to sleep naooo. BYEEE

Freedommmm

Biz law was mehhh.  Idk leh I felt like I've tried my best alr but yet I wrote much lesser than others.  Hopefully I'll be able to do okay.

After bizlaw, best bachelor in RH actually waited for me to eat dinner. Bu kui shi wo de brother (Y) Ate seafood tgt with Nico and waiip. Apparently food at the west will nv taste as good as those in the east.

Chiong to town to meet Gen. Always enjoyed spending time with her. Epic things always happens when I'm with her. We tried to shop around town but sadly we went there too late. Town close EXACTLY at 10 during the weekdays. Bought our mixer and went down to zouk. BOTH OF US...TOO EPIC.  WE JUST POUR THE ALCOHOL INTO THE 1.5 litre COKE. GOSH. Actually we should just pour away more coke but ohwell. Whatever happened at the club...I think it's way too coincidental HAHAHA. Small world manxzx. But really enjoyed myself HAHAHA.

Woke up late.  YAYY and met gen at bugis. Both of us were like stoning. Can't think properly. hahah. But at least I'm in the mood to stop. Wanted to buy that top but the colour not chio ): nvm at least I get to spend time with my favourite girl.

On my way home now after taking the wrong bus. Need to stop being so blur. Really can't wait for next week ^^V catching up with all my favourite people. Shall end here alr.  happygirl94 hehh.  Byeee

PHYSICS FINALLY OVERRR. I guess it's worth not studying for it cause its bloody crapppp. OHWELL. Luckily those that studied found it hard too HAHAHA. YAYYY NO MORE PHYSICS FOR....ONE MTH ): SIAN. better than nothing right. HAHAHA. Snapchat plus whatsapp are so much more entertaining than genes and society. Losing my motivation to study. But then again my friends are all too cute. Esp my roomie <3 AH, now Im quite thankful that I'm staying in hall. HAHAHHA. Can't wait to go out with all my favourite peopleeee. BACK TO GENES AND SOCIETYYY. BYE ):

Times like this I'm so thankful for hall people + friends that really care for me, ALWAYS CHEERING ME ON IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. Actually basically thru snapchat HAHHAA. Having so much fun talking to ber, Sihui and hern. These three really too entertaining alr HAHHAHA. Cause of them I'm not even in the mood to study HAHHA. Okay now i must really control alr. BACK TO BOOKS FOR REAL. Tmr time to stop using both my laptop and phoneeee. Now BIZ LAW HERE I COMEEEE!

Why is so many people breaking up ): Jiayou people.

On a happier note, math paper today and blah.  I don't think I can get my A. Just hope the bell curve god will help me.  Didn't study much today cause I'm losing way too much motivation plus there's just so many things to do this holidays.  Can't wait for holiday trng plus going out with my favourite people. I miss them so muchhhh.

I SMELL FREEDOMMMMM

"You need to start being dumb or at least act dumb to attract guys. This is why you're still single." 

</3 Why is the world so unfairrrrr

Urgh having the urge to club so badly but noooo, must control.  Had been having my own mini solo concert at home HAHAHHAA. OOPS.  BUT IM CUTE LIKE THAT ^^V Okay sometimes I can't stand myself too.  hahahaha.  Can't wait for wed with my favourite girl hehhh.  Time to havocccc. I SMELL FREEDOMMMMM! Maybe I'll see my baby ninja clubber 😊

No porn so don't worry. BUT ITS FUCKING FUNNY HAHAHAHHAA! It's a must watch HAHHAHA

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2013/11/japanese-gay-porn-star-tries-bring-straight-porn-star-climax-orgasm-wars

Should I dye ombre or whole hair red. ): My hair still too short to actually look nice with perm. Maybe I should just dye whole hair red first and wait until my hair grows longer, then I'll dye gradient ombreeee. Wah, i should be studying now but HAHAHH. Ohwell. Okay luh shall go back to bio ): Burdennnn.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/11/the-real-truth-about-boring-men-and-the-women-who-live-with-them-redefining-boring/

Read this and it totally reminds me of how yeye looked at mama when she passed away. I will never forget that scene. From that day onwards, how everything changed. It reminded me of mummy and daddy too. Like how daddy is willing to do so much for the family.

Met Tico Nico just now and wahhh, I think we're damn fated luh. Have always been meeting him at like the most unexpected location.  At least I've found my travel buddy on saturday. Hehh. Went to meet mama and papa at bugis to get my new cover <3 Felt so loved by them as usual. Haizxz. Sadly this week I'm stuck at RH HAHAH. Burden. I should be studying now but yet im blogging. Ohwell i need to distress manzxz. Went back to RH and HTHT tgt with Nico. Soon he's gonna be my HTHT buddy luhhh. Saturday dinner was not bad ^^ Had it tgt with Nico and Gen and they're too entertaining. Love these two luhhh.

 After that went to YIH and seriously, I HAVE NEW FOUND RESPECT FOR MY A IDOL MANZXZ. I don't understand how people become so accomplished at this age. Comparatively to him, HE'S LIKE MORE ACCOMPLISHED than mine. I admire people that have like long term goals in their life luhhh. And my idol said that my chinese not that bad HAHAHAH YAYYY. Im not that noob. He's way too funny alr. HAHAHAHAHA

As for todayyy, met up with Nico to study againnnn. That bad ass ahhh. REALLY CANNOT FOCUS WHEN HE'S AROUND. Ohwell, but then again it seems like to focus better with him comparatively to now. AHHHH Im stuck in my room. Am suppose to watch webcast now. SIANBALLS. Okay 2 more webcasts for today. I musttttt. BYEEE. Lazy to post visuals HAHAHA. TATAAAAA

This week had been great. After getting back my phone, it seems like everything in life is going back to normal again. Or rather great. Shall update later with visuals on the MRT when on my way to bugis. Haven't seen badass since monday cause he decided to delete himself off the chat but ohwell. But really enjoyed eating all the good food on monday.

As for rest of the days...study as usual and ytd HAHHAHA, epicly quite funny to study both both Gen and Qinyuan. Too distracting to study with them but hey with good company, why notttt. HAHAHA. Can't wait for our first saturday dinner tgt laterrr with gennn.

Shall bathe nowww. BYE

15 Things You Realize When You Lose Love Again

1. That you always thought your next love would be your last love. You just assumed there was no way you’d have to go through yet another break up or another person who made you feel terrible about yourself– you had sworn you’d paid your dues. Life never ceases to be a little bitch like this.
2. That sometimes it’s easier to mend relationships and take them for what they are than to start over, and that’s the unfortunate reality of why many people want to stay in mediocre relationships to begin with.
3. That you actually don’t want to settle for love you’re uncertain about or someone who doesn’t want you, no matter how much it would be comforting to be back in their arms.
4. That love never means what you think it does at the end of the day. The concept of it, and the way you understand it, is always evolving.
5. That you never know you love someone more than after you lose them.
6. The significance of that “love yourself” shit everyone’s always going on about. Because needing love to sustain you drives you to seek it in often unseemly places. It’s hard to feel dignified when you’re desperate for someone else to make you feel valid.
7. How to take care of yourself in the simplest sense. For some reason losing love reduces us to requiring effort to get our bearings in our everyday tasks, and we start to realize how important is it to take care of ourselves in the most earnest, basic sense.
8. The unmatched healing power of friends who actually want to listen to you analyze the situation for the thousandth time, and who will sit down and say, “Remember when you felt this way about so-and-so? I do. Eventually you’ll feel the same way about this one too.”
9. That people change. Or rather, people show you who they really are, and it’s somehow never any less surprising, though you know it’s coming.
10. What you deserve. There are few things more empowering than walking away from a relationship knowing you inherently deserve more.
11. What you want in a partner versus what you need in a partner. Before you’ve been around the block a few times, what you find ideal tends to be pretty shallow, but after you realize those things don’t sustain a healthy relationship, your priorities shift, and you realize that what you wanted wasn’t what you needed.
12. That insecure people are the worst to go through a breakup with– especially when the insecure person is you. There are few times in your life you will fight to hold onto something like you will when you feel you need someone else to sustain you. If that’s the case, breaking up was a blessing. You’ve been in a relationship with yourself for longer than anyone else, and you have to be okay in that one first.
13. That it’s not pathetic to want to be loved, but the process of getting to a place where you feel that way often feels like nothing but.
14. The importance of a great counselor who knows your story, and not necessarily a professional one, just some wise person in your life who always seem to know what direction you need to be led in.
15. That romantic love isn’t the most important thing there is, and that happiness is not the product of what someone gives you, but that which you take for yourself.

From : http://thoughtcatalog.com/kate-bailey/2013/11/15-things-you-realize-when-you-lose-love-again/#I2yu7FvPA4PiiUm8.01

What hurts to most is to realise people change as circumstances change. Even those that you deem as worthy will just fade away. People will only stay close for a period of time when they're facing the same situation. As long as one of them move on, the entire friendship will change. Greater your expectation, greater your disappointment. I need to move on. 

Earlier in the morning daddy was like trying to convince me to move back home. But somehow there's just some place deep in my heart which made me really unwilling to do so.As much as I want to come home and accompany my parents, somehow I just wanna stay. Or at least I'm not ready to move next yr. But after what I've heard just now. My heart just sank suddenly. Maybe it's time for me to stop ponning training. I promise I'll attend most of the trainings during the holidays but for now, I need to focus. Really wanna try for once and see how much i can score. But if i can't, at least I've tried my best. Really not in the mood. Maybe i should just sleep early.

Such a good read from :http://thoughtcatalog.com/zach-schwartz/2013/11/why-ill-always-just-want-one-girl/#z3hB9vKYWZ5HErBI.01

My dad says, Zach, you should just go have fun and explore. A lot of guys I know think it’s cool to get with a lot of girls. Chief Keef—one of my favorite artists—says stuff like, “I don’t want relations, I just want one night!” I listen to that music and love it but deep down, I know that it is not me. That as much as I deny it or have denied it, I like relationships, I like dating, I like love.

So when I say I’ll always want just one girl, I don’t mean the same girl, though staying in love with the same girl seems nice; that’s marriage. I mean, just one girl at a time. I mean, falling in love. It doesn’t have to be dating but it has to be something monogamous.

I want to make memories with the same person like different colored rubber bands on a rubber band ball that swells to the size of a heart. Like how last weekend, when we went to a haunted house and laughed afterwards about how I was more scared than her but kept trying to put my arms around her. And how afterwards we went to our favorite creperie and this time I got to choose the crepe—cause she did last time—and we shared it bite by bite. And how after that we went and saw Gravity in IMAX 3D, sharing a popcorn and a coke, doing weird things eating the popcorn until the other person looked at us and we both burst out laughing.

In the end, those are the things that I remember and love the most. Dates, and then the passion that comes afterward, and then the warm intimacy that lingers until you both fall asleep. They’re not the awkward dates that you have when you’re getting to know each other. They’re the type that are fun because you know each other so well. You can be annoying or weird or silly and it will all just come out as cute to the other person.

It’s like, flowers, the way we open up to each other as time goes on. I’m sure most people have been in a relationship where, at a certain point, they laugh and say, remember when we used to not act this weird around each other? Meaning, remember when we were not ourselves around each other? But now you’ve let each other into your own little worlds. They come in and test the air and measure the soil and taste the fruit off the trees while you wait nervously until finally they tell you, that it’s a beautiful place to be, and you are so happy that they accept you.

Just like how the best sex requires you to spend time learning each others bodies, it takes time to learn each others minds. There’s the fun of getting to know someone, and there’s the fun of knowing someone. You don’t get either if you’re always searching for your next hook-up. I feel like, Chief Keef is cool and all, but it’s not me. Which is fine, because I’m different, and I want different things.

Every time I’ve hooked up with a girl who I didn’t feel any emotional connection to, it didn’t make me feel any better the next day. At best, it felt like an accomplishment, but accomplishments mean nothing compared to meaningful social relationships. So while sex is nice, it’s like that song Future sings in his auto tuned mouthwash gargle: “I don’t want to give you the wrong impression / but I need love and affection.”

There is a fear, I think, that some people have of love and affection: that it is safe and settling and somehow not free. My dad tells me not to date one girl for too long because he thinks I’m missing out. But I think, not being in a relationship is a form of missing out too. Yes, you’ll have time when you marry to be in a relationship. But at the same time, in high school and college and in your 20s, you’re not as cynical. Things feel newer and better and freer. To be young and in love is something you only get to try once.

Cause I know I don’t want to settle. I know that after this girl, there will be other girls. I won’t always want her, but right now, no part of me doesn’t want her. Passion fades, but right now, I give it food and shelter. I let it stay under my roof. I keep it warm by a fire.

I don’t even know what else is nicer than, having a crush and finding out they like you too. I don’t know what else is nicer than, the feeling of not wanting to go to sleep because you want to stay up and talk to someone all night. It’s nice to have a life companion, someone to ride around with you in your metaphorical drop top Lexus. And I feel like, this is nothing new, humans have felt this way forever, even dating back to the biblical concept of Adam and Even, partners in crime in the Garden of Eden.

So I want, just one girl, one girl at a time, and I want to know her well. I want to know her so well that I know what coffee to bring her when I come over late at night. I want to know her so well that I know she’ll like those Topeka Jeffrey Campbell sneakers I bought for her birthday. I want her to know me so well that she knows to bring me tomato juice when I’m sad. I want her to know me so well that she knows to give me a book of “The 50 Greatest Moments in Sports” for my birthday.

I want someone to think about when I listen to love songs, watch movies, read books. I want someone to think about who I know might be thinking about me too. I want someone who brings out both the best and the worst in me, who makes me feel the most happy and the most sad, because above all, they just make me feel alive.

And that’s just what I like. 

There's just something so damn attractive about people that are goal orientated yet sensitive <3 HAHAHAHA

Realised how irritating I've been lately HAHHA. Somehow thanks so much for making me realised over-needy is rather disgusting. HAHAH Or at least I can't take it too. Okay back to books. Meeting Ivan tmr for dinner~ Hopefully at the east thouu. SUHIII. BYEEE

Once I'm done with all this, I'm gonna watch The Notebook, Forrest Gump, Now is Good and many many more (:

If I'm rational enough, things won't end up like this. If not for that particular moment which changed the entire situation...I guess I'll never be worthy enough. I wish I could just fuck it and do things without thinking too much but I guess I'll never be able to do that. To think that I thought I'm someone that has my own opinion, someone that knows what she's doing. Maybe I'm wrong. Time for me to back off.

Saw so many videos and pictures of happy couples + wedding proposal and AWWWWWWW, WHY SO CUTE. Feeling really happy and joyful for themmmm. ^^V

Is it just me? Why do I feel like when I really need someone, I really can't find anyone. This is when I really hate uni. Sometimes it really suck not to be tgt with your old friends. Really envious of those people that came over NUS with their old friends. It's just sad that I'm like distant away from them. Although it's better than JC, but at least at that pt of time I still had my close friends and juniors with me. But now, those that I'm close with are not staying in hall or our timetable always clash. Maybe Im just too needy for my own good. Maybe I need to start opening up to hall people and stop isolating myself. Really feeling super screwed up.

School had been really great lately (: Or rather for the past few days. Now that Gen's RHMP ended, YAYYY, I've my study buddy back with me. Found new study buddies such as the others from MSE and Alex and BFF HAHAHHA! They're really damn noisy when they're studying but really enjoy my time with them. HAHAHA. Quality time well spent. Make me really enjoy the process of studying. HAHAHA. Talking about that, I've been ponning lectures and relying entirely on webcast to actually satisfy my sleeping desires HAHAHA. Basically have been sleeping more than 8 hrs per day but nvmmm, it's worth it cause I can feel my mojo coming back to me HAHAHA Shall sleep now *.* Feeling so hungry now. Can't wait for breakfast later BYEEEE

Really hate the peer pressure thing they're instilling in hall ): I really don't get it. Is it a crime to actually not go for it cause I prioritize my studies more than such activities. I hate it when people talk to me in such irritating tone. Honestly I'm feeling quite disappointed cause the people in the sports in _____ are really not friendly. Honestly I really enjoy that sports but at this rate that their going, trngs are like worthless luh. Okay but then again maybe I've ponned too many trngs this week. Shall attend most of my trngs next week. Really considering if i should quit the sport that I've really like but ))): I don't know. Having second thoughts.

You Should Fall For Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

Repost : http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/you-should-fall-for-someone-who-doesnt-love-you/

It occurred to me the other day that there might be people in this world who have never known unrequited love, have never fallen for someone who didn’t fall too.

I know it’s rarer than a solar eclipse, but it seems likely that some have managed it; people who married their high school sweetheart, who got it right on the first try, who were seemingly born with enough innate confidence to walk right up to the object of their affection and say, “I think you’re great, would you like to go on a date sometime” and whose confidence was rewarded with a resolute, “Absolutely, I’d love to” and a Happily Ever After. The rest of us would be inclined to murder a couple like this if we ever came across them, but I maintain that they are the ones who are missing out. Everyone should fall for someone who doesn’t love them back at least once.

People who don’t love you can be found in many places. Pick the person in a brand new relationship; they can’t see more than five inches past the face of their new love, let alone far enough to see you pining away in the corner. Pick the girl you’ve been friends with for ages, the one who refers to you as a brother and will never see you as anything else. Pick the boy who flirts with everyone, sleeps with everyone, the one who doesn’t know what he’s looking for and never seems satisfied. He’ll do just fine, too.

This has to be more than a crush, more than just a fleeting attraction. Thinking they look cute when they smile, or letting your imagination momentarily wander when they touch your skin isn’t enough. You must love them with every fiber of your being, from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep, day after heartbroken day. Memorize the rhythm and cadence of their voice, the subtle gestures of their hands and each expression of their face, so when you’re asleep and dreaming of a world in which you’re together, it seems real. Feel your soul fracture each morning when you wake up and realize it isn’t.

Let the agony, the obsession, consume you. Nothing hurts quite as exquisitely as loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

Perhaps you think I’m crazy for suggesting anyone let themselves fall into this pit of despair, that I’m an emotional sadist of the worst variety. But darling reader, I assure you I’m not, because eventually something happens to every single person who loves someone who doesn’t love them back: they manage to stop being in love.

While it takes varying amounts of time, everyone finds their breaking point, that moment when enough becomes enough. It could be the third night you cry yourself to sleep, the fifth time they cancel plans with you to be with someone else, or the eighth night in a row you spend getting drunk alone. It can take months, or even years. But here’s what you’ll have once you get there:

After surviving that kind of ache, you’ll be so much stronger, so much more certain of yourself. You’ll see that all pain (physical, emotional, and metal) is a temporary state of being, not a permanent one. There is always a reason to go on, always a reason to fight for yourself.

You’ll realize that because you are not loved by one does not mean you are not loved by all. You’ll understand that love cannot be won like a teddy bear at the fair; cannot be stolen like a rare painting from a museum in the dead of night. You’ll see that real love comes first from within, not from anyone else. You learn that those annoying people who say things like, “real love comes from within” were telling you the truth this whole time, but you had to learn it for yourself. Don’t worry – you don’t need to tell them they were right.

Getting over unrequited love feels like having a blindfold removed – you suddenly see all the love you’ve had in your life this whole time, and you’ll appreciate those individuals like never before. You will be humbled, you will be grateful, you will be wiser.

Here’s the best part, though, about getting over someone who doesn’t love you: you realize that nobody healed your heartache, that you were able to fix yourself all on your own. And once you’ve proven to yourself that you can recover from that, you won’t be afraid to go looking for love again.

And again, and again and again.

And one of those times, you’re bound to be rewarded with someone who reciprocates every ounce of your unbridled affection, who loves you just as much as you love them, and that will be the most supreme feeling of ecstasy you can fathom. You’ll see that loving someone who didn’t love you back was totally worth it. 

Ahhh, time to actually think about stuff rather than being emotionless HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Really need to spend more time with my family. Thankfully someone reminded me how important my family is to me and yeah, realised if I don't treasure them now, I won't have enough time to do so in the future. Actually come to think of it, my parents are suffering more than me but yet to make me happy, they actually sacrifice a lot for me. But then again I'm starting to dread school so most probably I'll be going home every Friday from now on. Homesick again ):

Celebrated Sihui bday ^^ Happy birthday to my favourite roomie. Seeing how dedicated Kaiming is towards her, wah they really damn cute tgt. Plus HTHT with both Sharlene and Kaiming really haizxzx. Don't know what am i doing now HAHAHA! Obviously playing with fire but ohwell, thankfully could save our friendship after so many yrs since it ended. Meeting up soon to study HAHA. Hopefully we can study and focus huh. Now my turn to tutor you again. Back to the good old days.

Although mid yrs didnt exactly end with a happy note, I'm just glad that everything is over. Celebrated bff birthday after physics paper. Thanks for being such a great brother and friend. You're always there to not only bond the og tgt, but also listen to us when were in trouble. Really glad  that we are gonna be in the same course for like another 4 more yrs HAHAA! Too bad for you. Hope you won't be too depressed over that incident! Anything just share with us k! All the best!

Went supper with nico, gen, Kenneth, Zhafri and his friend. Gotta say my carvings have been satisfied ^^V happy me hehhh. Stayed up till 6 to talk to gen. What will I do without her mannn! 

Went out with bestie after a long while. Had quite a nice short catch up. Sadly my stomach decided to be a bitch and annoyed the hell out of me. 

Went over to Marcus bday celebration at mbs. Had quite a fun time not only htht but drinking. Quite funny to GL people mannn. My stomach is still hurting now ): maybe I've drank too much with an empty stomach. Didnt really eat for the entire day. But trying to finish 4 bottles was no joke mannn. Ohwell at least I've drank my heart's content. Really thankful for the guys for actually always helping to keep a look out to protect the girls, making sure that we are comfortable. Whatt would we do w/o y'all 😘

On my way home now but my stomach still feeling damn URGHHH. Need to find food to fill the annoying stomach of mine. Byeeee

Really so thankful for Gen <3 Was practically eating nonstop last night in order to make ourselves happy. HAHA. Stupid paper but ohwell. Went all the way to Ameen that side to find out that our icecream shop was closed. Ended up settling for one tub of icecream from 7-11 and talked all the wayyyy. Plus round two of supper at Uncle Vincent. HTHT with both Nico and Gen when we're suppose to study. Really got to know a softer side of Nico HEH. All thanks to Nico, we could suddenly form so many links around RH and ohwell, lets just say the links are kinda interesting. Slept really late and ended up waking up late for lecture. HAHA but got to say that physics lecturer is really good. Should crash that lecture more often. But felt really happy today although the paper really sucked. But HAHAHA! Now that I'm happy, realised that i could understand physics much better. Maybe the key of me doing well = mug happily HAHAHA. Shall take my afternoon nap and study hard later. Realised my physics concept isn't that bad. Shall start my one mth intensive mugging tgt with Gen when finals is coming. For now SLEEP ^^ BYEEEE

After intensive mugging for one mth, only managed to obtained like 5/10 while my course mates are like getting 8/10 or 10/10. Fuck life. Maybe history will just repeat itself again, which explains why I did so badly for A. What's the point of studying so hard when it seems like I'll never do well.

Read something that really struck me hard. How I wished they could continue the experiment for a longer period of time. Feeling so empty. Really need a aim in life. 

Really feel so happy when I see my dear 4C guys graduating. Like what Isaac said, y'all are like my family. Had always been close with these people since sec 3 and will always try my best to be close to them. Sorry for being so sian during that day cause HAHAHA! Didnt have enough sleep the night before. Decided to start sleeping at 1 from now on. My eyebags really cmi manzxz. 

Finally talked to BFF after so long. HAHHA! Had been a long time ever since I've last seen him. So glad that he's so happy with his gf. They're so cuteeee! Hope you'll be seeing this HAHAH! 

Okay one more week till end of mid yrs. time to study physics! Byeeee

Urgh, feeling damn sucky now cause I don't know should I actually tell a friend abt what I've heard but then again idk it's true anot. Feeling so bad cause he seems so in love. Life sucks. Why is life so unfair. 

Mugging this week = unproductive. Maybe I had been playing too much alr, but somehow I feel super not in the studying mood. SIANZXZ. But yeah, had lots of fun ytd tgt with the frisbee people. Ran damn a lot during frisbee at sentosa plus played vball too ^^ HEHE! Studied awhile with them and had drinking session ytd. I should totally stop during beer cause not say its that nice yet there's lot of calories ): NUUUUU. Okay back to physics ): BAIII

Went for a run just now and actually really thought thru abt recent stuff. Finally realized why I felt so insecure lately, would really like to clarify things. Hate it when I'm in doubt and I can't do anything abt it. Hope that I'm not thinking too much.

Happy week 😁😁😁

I'm suppose to be sleeping now but OHWELL, woke up cause its too hot just now. Back from social night with Matt. Thanks for inviting me and I really appreciate it a lot. Thanks for the gifts and being part of my life. Forever my '35 yr old potential husband material' HAHAHA! Come NUS lehhhh! HAHAHAHA! 

Met up with Richmond, Rason and Gabriel HAHAHHA! Happy happy happy. Had been a long time ever since I've met the other two. And Richmond HAHHAH! Forever being a retardddd. That's why you're da best brother everrrrr~

My dear Raeyyy! Love her so much for practically accompanying me to eat all the good food and shoes ^^ Really miss this girl soooooo much! So proud of her at the same time for being able to chase her dreams and actually living the lifeeee.

So thankful for all my friends, especially those long lasting ones. Thanks for always showering me with care and concern and actually making the effort to maintain our friendships. 

Feeling so tired now, like physically. But overall really enjoyed the late night talk with my OG. Had been a long time ever since I've last talked to them. Thankfully I've got BFF to actually update me about what's going on in the group sooooo...HAHAH! Okay am suppose to do my work now ): Stupid burden ES1102. CHAOOOO

Just finished mid autumn festival. Tired like crap but ohwell, one more hour to study. Gotta say sometimes i feel quite disappointed with the comm. Like last min nvm but at least try to do it as a group. I know all of us got commitments but...But then again maybe someone just have to take charge and set all the deadline. Okay, time to actually get some planning done and ask everyone to do something. But then again Im quite happy to have met wonderful seniors that are helping me with so many stuffs. Okay shall cut the crap now. BYEEEE

Feeling so excited this coming week. Raey + Rich are coming over to NUS this coming week ^^ AHHHH, I miss both of them so muchhh! Realised i always have affinity with people starting with R huh. HAHAHA! Feeling quite happy now for some reason. Maybe my short break with Ivan made me not so sian. Simpang food 8D After effects of studying continuously since monday huhhh. Next friday social night with matthew too ^^ Eventful week huhhh. Had been quite a while since I've been feeling like this. 

Maybe meeting up with my probably one of my OLDEST friend. I believe things won't end up so and yeah, we'll go back to what we're initially. Quite glad that uni helped me in some way or another, although it's damn tiring to study everyday but then again it helped me to prioritize what i need to focus in life and who i wanna keep in my life. Thankfully I've realised that studying isn't everything and decided to go for my night run tgt with hall mates. 

Once again I feel so pampered by mummy! She's gonna go out with me to ikea + buy my soccer shoes for ultimate frisbee. Hopefully i can pull her along for shopping too HAHAH! Ah, maybe I should send mummy more random I miss you texts HAHAHAH! But then again i love my dad for practically fetching me to sch everytime i 'book in'. 

Ohwell shall play my favourite songs nowwww! BYEEEEE

Everytime I try to resolve something, I'll just make it more complicated. Do we really have to end up this way?

Feeling quite happy with my loot today. Had been a long time ever since I've really shopped. I got a feeling I'll continue spending more tmr but yeah, I really do need a break. Feeling rather empty lately. Let's just say hall activities and studies have been making me really... Really don't understand why do I think so much nowadays. In the past, although I have an aim when I take up each CCA, I won't even consider so much, esp about how much time I'll be 'wasting'. But now, in order to have more study time, I've been asking people around me for their opinions. I feel disgusted with myself, like how kiasu I've become and how un-friendly I've been recently.

Glad that everything came to an end ytd. Sorry for what I've done and hope that after this, we'll be friends. Just give both of us some time to adjust things and I'm sure things will be back to normal soon enough. 

Another dedication to my dear Genevieve. Really love you for always being there for me and helping me no matter what. Love you so much although i know you won't be seeing this. You've been the best thing ever since I've entered NUS and I really appreciate having you as my bestfriend. Although I haven't been seeing you much lately but just to let you know that you'll always be the besttttt 

Feeling so troubled but somehow my thoughts are super messed up. Need to stop being such a burden. Wenning I know you can do it. Stop being so dependent on others. Time for you to grow up and be independent. 

Shall bathe and sleep it off. Meeting my babies tmr at NLB. Byeee

If nothing can get through this thick skull of yours, I just have to do it the hard way. I really don't get the point of listening to you cause you're not doing the same thing to me. All you're doing is repeating yourself and just rephrasing your words. Yes, I'm not being fair to you but are you being fair to me? Nothing is fair in this world Why do I have to give you a chance when I know you're not the right one for me.

So tired of socializing like everyday esp while eating. Just feel like curling back in bed and just sleep or just have some alone time. Don't even feel like replying SMS or whatsoever. Pardon me if I've been quieter lately. 

I guess if it's not meant to be, I should just end this fast. Hope this won't end up bad.

I guess after ytd, everything had been really great. Sometimes I just, I don't know feel really thankful and appreciative for the effort you've put in just to accompany me or help me thru. Gonna try to give this another chance and see how things work out. Maybe things ain't that bad after all (:

Although everyone is telling me nah, it's not your fault. It's just that he's unlucky but deep inside me I know if I actually told him the truth about it earlier, at least things won't be as complicated as now, especially after what happen that night. Sometimes I wished that things won't be as complicated as now. Hate it when people control my life. I have the right to choose who i want to hang out with.

So many things just happened ever since I've moved to hall. RH Pageant + Rag day + Legacy dinner and all. Shan't elaborate much on it cause I'm such a lazy bum as usual. But yeah.

Rag dayyyyy

 

Amalia's house