Holidays had been really great. Sadly haven't been taking much photos with those I've went out with cause we're just too lazy. Really had a really great time catching up with all my good friends. Just feels great to have lots of time slacking awayyy with my favourite peopleee. Decided to meet some friends I haven't been meeting for a long time tuuu. Realised I've been stuck in my shell for too longgg hehe.

Really thankful for the people in my life. Thanks laopa for introing new job hehe. Hopefully I'll get it. He make it sound damn fun luhhh. Can't wait to earn moneyyy hehe. I need one so badly but it'll confirm screw my schedule luhh.

Thanks skinny fuck for always being my happy pill, always being so patient with me when I'm so wishy washy and giving me the most unexpected 'surprises'. I'm so glad that we've crossed path. We're like two positive gradients of slight difference. Almost everything about us is almost similar. I guess the only sad part is that we've met at the wrong timing. But thankfully for whatever happened, we're still that close ^^ Can't wait for our cooking session hehe. Shall make sure I'll drill it into youuuu.

Thank bestie for the letter. Although it started off weird but I'm glad it ended off well, just like the good old days. Although it really felt like the last meet up, but if we're fated to be bestie, so be it. But if not, at least we've had yesterday (:

Ohwell shall pack up nowww. Time to book innnn. BYEEEE

Actually I think I'll miss times like this during the holidays. Just studying tgt with random people in the club rm, eating chicken tgt in the club room and talking to friends, getting to know what's happening in their life. Somehow just felt so AWWWW. Used to feel like such things are a waste of time but now...I guess I need to stop taking things for granted and get out of my shell hehe. Shall go and sleep naooo. BAIIII

The longer I get to know someone, somehow their flaws just intensify by like 10 times more. Not that I wanna judge people and I know I shouldn't be judging but it's hard cause I'm just naturally judgemental somehowwww. I guess that's a bad part about me cause I'll tend to just throw these people one side and just ignore them. But then again I hate it when people ignore me. HAHAHHA. Contradicting right. HAIZXZ

Just when I thought I can do well. Feeling fucking depressed now cause I know my next two papers gonna suck balls. Everytime I told myself I wanna work hard, somehow something will happen and my emotions all just POOF. Annoying horrr. Maybe my next new year resolution should be STOP BEING SO EMOTIONAL HAHA. Hopefully next sem will be much better since I'm gonna cut down on clubbing and start being more hardworking. HAHA. Hopefully our new implemented study sessions will help and I need to start being more hardworking by asking profs questions. Back to books ): Byeeee

I fucking hate overly egoistic people. If you're trying to fish for compliments, just get lost. I won't praise you until I think you're worth it. Just cause one person offended you doesn't mean the whole world owes you. Fucking childish.

It feels good to have people that's facing the same situation as me. But then again am I being overly idealistic? I really wonder. I want more answers. Hopefully one day the stars will be able to give me my answers. In the future I want my bedroom ceiling to be made of glass. Random much right?

I appreciate it when I find like-minded people, people that treasure their family and friends. In the past I would very much trust them but now, I'll just doubt again and again. But then again maybe time will solve everything and maybe someone will restore my faith. 

Within these few weeks, it seems like I've known more people than before. Maybe it's due to the fact that I can't be alone and I need company but one day I'll get used to it. I hear my books calling meeee. Byeeeee

I'll drill it into my mind until I turn into one.

The world works in such weird ways. But that totally explains why we clique off so well. Thankful to have someone that's always feeling exactly how I feel at that pt of time. Sometimes I have a strong feeling towards something but I don't know how to explain why I felt like that.  You help me to fill up that space, allowing me to understand myself better. It's just great to know that someone knows how I feel at that pt of time.

I really wanna thank God for always letting things fall in place perfectly. Thanks for answering my prayers, at least its not too late now to make up for it and grow up as a person right?  HAHA.

I didn't know so many people still read this blog. HAHA. I thought its dead but nooooo, its not. Really didnt expect it. Makes me so happy somehow that YOU PEOPLE CARE FOR ME. HAHAHAHA. Sorry feeling damn high now for some unknown reason. Maybe cause I'm gonna have lots of free time to study that's whyyy. Just to let y'all know I'm really okay nowwww. Only available if yall wanna study HAHAA. MUGGER NINGGG. KTHXBYEEEE

Another sad story. From the person I least expect from but ohwell. Only word to describe it is tragic. Indeed the one that cares the most will be the one that suffers.

Just sad that I've to come back to hall. I like staying at home cause mommy and daddy totally pamper me ttm but sadly they're distracting. Will spend more time with them during the holidays ): I hate it when daddy will keep asking me to come back and he miss me. Makes me feel so guilty.

On the brighter side I've my close friends around me esp fat fuck to accompany me. Had been ages since then but I really find comfort with familiar people. Its good to have people surrounding me, especially those i know that really care for me. MUACKSSSS.

Shall watch webcast haizxz. BAIIII.

Finally snap out of it ^^ I really wanna thank my favourite fat fuck for always enlightening me when I really need it. I guess I've always been thinking from the wrong perspective when I'm alone and forget about the other aspects I've considered in the past. 

I know you're reading this and I genuinely wish you all the best with her ^^ Sorry for creating so much trouble for you for the past few days and HAHAHA,  I KNOW I'M ANNOYING BUT AS BESTIE YOU UNDERSTAND RIGHT HEHE. Don't worry you'll still be my bestie kayy . 

Anyway idk if you'll come across this or not.  Although I don't know you personally but just to let you know pls treasure him (: Although he can be stubborn and erm alpha male at times but I'm sure you'll be able to control this little boy. Just be honest with him and everything will work out fine between you two.  Hope to see you one day (:

Walao I can't stand myself sometimes but ohwell,  must treasure this three weeks to mug like dog.  After that yayyy FREEDOMMM.. CAN'T WAIT TO SPEND TIME WITH ALL MY FAVOURITE PEOPLE PLUS TRAININGS YAYY. So many plans,  so little time. If only there's more than 24 hours a day hehe. Back to books.  Watching my presentation video just make me cringe.  Wtf my voice sounds so.... yuck.

Can someone help me to erase this pain that I'm feeling now. I wished I'll just sleep and never wake up ever again. Why can't you just fucking be happy for me when I am and always pulling me back to the pathetic state I've once been. Sometimes I really hate you so much to the core.  Always saying you're doing things for my own good but fuck.  I don't wanna think. Just do anything to remove my heart and brain. I'm begging you.

I always had this mindset that in the future, I'll be able to find someone that will be willing to do anything for me but somehow after experiencing so much, after listening so much, after thinking so much, it feels like I'll never encounter such person ever again. I guess what Sandy said was right, so what if you plan so much, eventually if you find so called "the one" and he have alternative plans, all these ideals you have in your mind like totally wasted.

Maybe I'll just continue these plans tgt with my parents and adopted kids. Or maybe he has something in mind for me. Besides those adorable cute people I've around me, I would like to thank god for helping me. Thanks for answering my prayers. Thanks letting me see the bigger picture as initially was just myopic and too caught up with my own plans. Thanks for always giving me a direction. Although sometimes I really feel I'm not worthy enough to be part of your plan but you've always given me the assurance that you'll always be there for me. I'm really so blessed (:

I guess there's no purpose for me to blog from now on. Easier to be that unfeeling creature that I've used to be. I need to stop being dependent on people.

Sometimes Im just super thankful that hate don't last. I thought I've used to hate you for doing that to me but now then I've realised if I continue loving you,  I'll just suffer until now.

Thanks to you I'll always have this wall towards people that don't practice what they preach. It'll just disgust me and think about how you break my trust again and again,  how you make use of me again and again,  maybe it's not your fault. Maybe I'm too naive at that pt of time. Thanks for showing me how selfish people are just to get what they want. Thanks for turning me into what I am now.

I don't hate you for what you've done. I just wanna thank you for being part of my life,  making me subconsciously cautious about people around me. Thanks for making me realised that there's no such thing as true love. 

Finally watched a movie that I felt I could somehow relate to. Cafe waiting love was good. Although I always had the mindset that everyone had someone that they're meant to be with,  but as I've got older,  it seems like my views about love have changed so much.  Like love seems to be more of a fairy-tale rather than something that's true. Maybe that's the bad part of being a sucker for romance films. Sometimes I just hope that someone will prove me wrong. But then again it seems so impossible. I need to stop being such a dreamer

Can't help but to feel envious towards cute couples. It's so hard to find someone suitable that understands you and know how to make you happy at the same time you have that something for that person. Had been a long time ever since I've felt that fireworks.

Spent the entire Saturday and Sunday with koteeee. HAHAHA. Miss spending time with that idiottt. Always so annoying yet so entertaining at the same timeee. AWWW. Okay yes I'm probably saying it from a damn bias pov but I don't care luhh. Thanks for always being so spontaneous and doing retarded shit with me.

SO TIRED NOWWW yet i can't sleep. AGAIN. Ohwell time to watch shows. HEH byeee

Just learnt to accept the fact that maybe I can't keep all my friendships. It takes two hands to clap and as long as the one party don't put it as much effort, it doesn't seem to justify. Maybe I should just let it go. Someone ive used to be so close seems to distant to me and I feel like I don't matter anymore.  Although on the surface I don't seem to mind but then again I guess it's for the better since we're just different.

But thankfully I've found someone that really thought me the true meaning of friendship. She's just always there for me no matter what and she don't mind me being a lightbulb aww. Thanks for always making me feel so welcome and turning me into a better person. Although sometimes I'm not willing to follow buttttt,  ...lurb you so muchh. Thanks for accepting me for who I am mama 😘

Realised I've always been focusing on the wrong stuff, time to make things right.

"It's not about finding someone to lose yourself in, it's about meeting someone to find yourself in. When you connect with someone special, this person helps you to find the best in yourself. What's important is being able to spend time together and nurturing each other's growth."

I guess the quantity isn't everything. Since I'm the one that caused this, maybe it's time for me to back out. I need to stop focusing on momentarily happiness. Need to stop being so selfish.

Living in the moment.

As much as I don't want it to be like that but I don't want people to regret their decision. It makes me feel damn bad although they agreed in the first place. It feels damn fucked up I swearrr.

Had been a long time ever since I've last talked to bestie like that. Besides whatever happened lately, just to let you know that I'm really soooooo thankful to have you as a friend. I know this may sound damn cheesy but thanks for always being so honest with me, always making the effort to get things out of me and analysing it together with me. I swear never in my life I've ever been soooo close to someone. Had been a year ever since I've last known you from packing job. Sooo glad I've found someone like you. Although I don't know how long will we remain as close but just to let you know if there's anything, I'll be here for youuuu. Eh touched anottt. Even if youre not just act like youre okay ^^

OHYEAH, my bestie is handsome, single, smart and ready to mingle. Any takers here?? He's sensitive too. Sounds like a desirable guy ehhh. If youre interested, just ask me and I'll give yall his number kkkk. For nowww, I NEED SOME SLEEP. BYEEEE

Really enjoying life now although I'm feeling so stress about studies yet sometimes I'm really thankful for the people around me, always making me smile. Being accompanied by people you enjoy being with really made my day. Reading week soon. Should I head home to study or should I study in hall?

At times I really wonder why do I make certain decisions in life. But then again at least Im doing the right thing I think. Although Im kinda regretting it now but hopefully I won't in the long run. Feeling quite empty, seems like there's really nothing that's keeping me going somehow. The thrill, the passion, the excitement, seems like everything is fading off. I feel like a walking zombie.

Had a great time talking to bestie ytd! Glad that things are back to normal again. Thanks for always telling me the truth. YAYYY. For now back to watching "Her". I've been wasting my entire dayyyyy

Could have done better.

Can someone teach me how not to think so much.

Had handball friendly with the alumni today. Idk why but as time pass by, Im really starting to enjoy keeping, despite cracking my wrist and like obtaining blueblack all over my legs and body. Its fun somehow. Although I did better today compared to the game with NTU alumni, but still...the fact that I've missed a few balls...URGHHH. But ohwell I'll try harder. 

Now I'm seriously thinking about IVP. IDK can I tahan both trng and studying. As much as I wanna stay in hall...my parents don't allow. Which means I need to work during the 3mth to earn money ): Shall go and run after Im done with Sherlock HEHHH. BYEEEE

 

Went for a jog just now. HEHHH. Feeling so guilty after eating so much rice today. But the chicken rice at eastwood is seriously the best chicken rice everrrr. Never get sick of eating itttt. Found a really good mixed veg curry rice opp TJC too. AHHH. FOOD <3

Finally got a new ultrabook after my old laptop keeps crashing when I watch Sherlock. Freaking annoying I swear. Yes I am a complain queen. Can't help it I guess HAHAHA. I'm suppose to sleep now but I can't do so cause I slept way too much after I've reached home. SADLY HOLIDAYS ENDING IN A WEEK TIME. Won't be able to enjoy life as much cause 

1) IHG is coming. That means my weekends will be filled with trngs and competitions...NO MORE GOING OUT ): But then again thankfully my friday will technically be free since there's a burden ES1531 will be from 8-10am. 

Hmmm I realised I haven't post about 2013 and my new year resolution for 2014.

Basically I've really enjoyed 2013. 

1. Spent the first half of the year working. Yes that part was rather meaningless. But then I'm thankful for having a friendship which I'll remember forever. Although things changed but Im really thankful for the memories. 

2. Spamming NUS Camps (June to Aug). Having to spend like 2 mths on camps tgt with Weihao and Gen. Really got to know so much more about engin and hall. Met so many people (although superficially) but its a new experience I got to say. Getting out of my comfort zone 

3. Joining pageant. It's really a pity that I've distant away from someone that really prove himself worthy as a good sister but I guess sometimes its just fate. But then again I really got to know Gen better which I've considered a blessing (: Normally people say its hard to find close friends in uni but Im glad I've met a bunch of them. Hopefully things won't change. I hope.

4. Being part of Raffles. Gotta admit Im an ass that always pon trng before holidays to study. Got to say Im really thankful for people like Stanley, Nico, HQ and Qinyuan. Really thankful for the notes and motivational speeches. I'm also thankful for ppl for being so thoughtful, always bringing me hot drinks when its too cold and supper when I didn't ask for it.

5. Last but not least, my friends and my parents. Special mention my 4C brothers, trackers, Raey, Chan and Kimblurly. My parents had really been really tolerant and nice to me ever sine Ive entered hall. Always missing my parents when Im in hall and theyre forever feeding me which totally explained how Ive gained weight esp nearing exams season. My friends that have always been making the effort to jio me out and reminding me that studies isnt everything. Thanks so muchhh. Really <3

As for 2014, shall be a year of breaking rules I guess. Ever since holidays start I've been a different person I guess. Although the stuff are not within my comfort zone but I guess I've fun trying out new stuffs. Yup YOLO manzxz. So far although I've gotta admit I'm affected in some way or another but I just need time to adjust myself. I know I can do it. Can't wait for the upcoming week before sch reopens. 

Okay I shall sleep soon. Gonna have handball friendly tmr! Hope I wont screw it up like that time. BYEEEE

Thankfully today's friendly wasn't that hiong. At least I didn't run much for frisbee.  But almost died after 5 hours of handball. Legs filled with bruises alr luh. Uglyyyy ): feeling so hungry now cause I only ate lunch ): heading home nowww.  HUNGRYYYY

Had a really great holiday! Manage to spend time with my favourite people!!! Shall let the pictures do all the talking. Using my phone to update so....no mood to type so much.  Ohwell. Gonna play laser tag now.  Can't wait! Zaijiannn